Windswept

"And so we stood together like that, at the top of that field, for what seemed like ages, not saying anything, just holding each other, while the wind kept blowing and blowing at us, tugging our clothes, and for a moment, it seemed like we were holding on to each other because that was the only way to stop us being swept away into the night."

Second-Guesser Fesser Upper

Why in the world do I ALWAYS second guess myself? I do it even for the smallest of things. When I am positive I know something, I look it up just to make sure! All the time. For someone who doesn't really care about being wrong, I sure do care about sounding stupid! This also came up a lot when I was in school. I never wanted to answer questions for fear of being wrong. And probably more than half the time I was actually thinking the correct answer. And then I would immediately think to myself, "Garsh...you're so stupid! Why don't you ever just speak up!?"
I guess because the few times that I DID speak up, I WAS wrong, and then felt really dumb. But what's wrong with being dumb anyway? I obviously know that compared to many people, I am, what you could call dumb, and I know that I will never be finished learning...so what's the big deal? Why do I want to be such a Know-It-All!?

MARCIA, MARCIA, MARCIA!

PS-While writing this blog, I looked up whether or not second-guess really had a dash in it, and also if I spelled Marcia correctly for the context in which I was using it.....even though I was pretty confident that that was how the Brady's spelled it!

laurenthevampireslayer signing off...

All too content....but never satisfied.

"Do you wake up and lie there
And think it through?
Is the weight of your own life
Too much for you?"

I've lately been feeling like I have made my way up a mountain and come to a cliff, but instead of jumping off (like so many people do when they go for what they want) I just set up camp and have been hangin' out there ever since. And every day I just go to the very edge and look over. And all I do is think about jumping. About how amazing it would be, how freeing. And then, instead, I just go cuddle up in my sleeping bag and read a good book, and wish for adventure...and love.
And people just keep coming up, and passing me by...some stopping to talk and exchange stories, but always leaving me behind in the end. I find myself wishing to meet some crazy person. Someone crazy enough to push me off the cliff, since I'm so afraid to take the plunge myself. But I never meet that person. And I always comes back to the realization that I'm eventually going to have to do it on my own.

I wish that I weren't such a fearful person.

I wish that I still believed in all of my dreams.

I wish that I had guts.

I wish that I had confidence in everything I do.


I wish someone would just push me.

laurenthevampireslayer signing off...